What is the image I want for me?

I’m sure we have all had a point in our lives when we peaked.  Maybe it was a time when we were in better shape, had a better job, more friends, made more money etc.  I would say mine was probably when I was around 17.  I was in better shape, I had better self-esteem, I had friends.  I however, didn’t maintain my health physically.  The people that I considered friends are no longer a part of my life.  I guess it’s part of growing up.  I often think back to how I would have done things differently.  I would have followed a different path.  I might have been better at a lot of things, but I might not have learned the lessons that I did along the way either.  Last Friday, my therapist asked me again “what is the image that I want for myself?”.   I sat down with a piece of paper and really put a lot of thought into that question.  If anyone see’s anything they can offer suggestions for, please let me know.  I am very open-minded and always hope that people see me as approachable.

Goal– To stop worrying so much and learn to control my anxiety.

Steps to achieve that goal– learn new techniques such as yoga, meditation, controlled breathing, and mental well being.  Use my anxiety workbook (the anxiety workbook) and use the worksheets in my psychology book(Psychology and your life).  I worry 24/7 about anything I can think of.  I think it is all part of trying to predict my future which again, I can’t do.

Goal-lose weight and get toned

Steps to achieve– find an at home workout, use a food journal so I can keep track of what I’m eating, continue eating vegan, continue doing Just Dance on the Wii, and set small weight loss goals for myself.

Goal– learn to forgive and love myself.

Steps to achieve– continue therapy, look into getting a make over, practice forgiveness, work on me inside and out, and continue blogging.

Goal-get organized

Week 1- organize the car, get it detailed and ready to sell or trade-in

Week 2- organize my bedroom

Week 3- organize the bathroom because do I really need make up that I’ve had for 10+years and an ear wax vacuum? lol

 

Week 4-organize the dining room, why do we have so many cookbooks when we have the internet?  and is there such a thing as a empty box hoarder? lol

Week 5-organize the living room

Week 6-organize the kitchen

Goal-find mental clarity and focus

Steps to achieve– LEARN TO LET GO OF THE PAST and move on, that’s a big one, continue to journal, learn to understand family members and strengthen relationships, and continue school, I’m over half way to having an associate’s degree.

Goal-stop gossiping and judging other people, just because they don’t do things the way I do, doesn’t make me right and them wrong

Steps to achieve– think about what I am going to say before I say it out loud.  Someone once told me that I should think of this like a tube of toothpaste, once you squeeze it out, you can’t put it back in.  In other words, once you say something out loud, you can’t take it back.

Goal– be a better Mom.

Steps to achieve– this is a hard one.  I know that I need to give the kids more space to live their own lives.  I want to hold them close but I just end up smothering them and pushing them away.   I understand that we do things that the others don’t understand, I will try to be patient and understanding, I will validate their concerns about choices that I’m making and understand that they are both very passionate adults.  I am very proud of both of them, and I will work harder to show them that.

Goal-relocate to the west coast

Steps to achieve– In 2009, we moved to Denver from Montana.  I really liked it here, we went on many road trips and saw a lot of amazing places.  In 2011, we moved to Arizona.  It too had many beautiful places, I cried when I saw the beauty of Sedona.  The truth is it was way to hot and fairly dangerous there.  A lot of kidnappings, drugs, and snakes and lizards everywhere.  So Arizona wasn’t for us.  We moved to North Carolina.  We made the decision as a family to move here.  It put a lot of stress on our family.  It was very far away from anyone we knew, it was so humid, and depressing.  Someone kept trying to break in to our house when my husband was at work.  There was so much crime that we were afraid to go to far and I couldn’t find a job because I was afraid to leave my daughter home alone.  So we moved back to Denver.  Again I will quote grandma Mary, “everything happens for a reason”.  I love, love, love, the Broncos!  I will be a fan no matter where I live.  When we first moved back here, it wasn’t bad.  My daughter and I would go downtown and to festivals, and to Elitch.  About a year or so ago, I had a mental breakdown.  I became afraid to leave the house, didn’t want to talk to anyone on the phone, didn’t want to do anything.  I recovered, but I just don’t feel safe here.  If anyone reads the news, they know we cannot go to the 16th street mall for fear of being beaten or shot.  We even have gun shots outside our house and we live in a good neighborhood.  We want to move to Washington, Oregon, or California.  I work full time and we save almost all of my check, we have a go fund me page, which isn’t doing too good (we made $20 but $15 I donated lol), but you never know.  I will continue extreme couponing (yes, we need 55 tubes of toothpaste and 10 bottles of laundry soap lol), I will continue looking for paid relocation jobs, and keep praying.  I have a few short stories under review with a publisher and that would pay well if they get published.  I think our mental and physical health would improve individually and as a family in a more serene environment.

So these are my goals and plans on how to achieve them.  If anyone has any helpful suggestions, let me know.  I really appreciate that people enjoy reading my blogs.  Thank you.

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