Liar liar, pants on fire….

I have been working really hard on being a better person and making better choices. Sometimes though, I find myself not being 100% honest.  If someone asks how I’m doing, I automatically answer “fine”.  I’m not always fine when I say that.  When people ask if I’m doing well with my weight, I often lie by omission.  When I’m paying bills and my husband asks how much the bills were, I don’t always give the true amount.  I absolutely  despise conflict and will do almost anything to avoid it.

According to psychology today, people lie for several different reasons and in different ways.

Controlling a response– people lie to control or manipulate the outcome of a situation. Sometimes this is done by leaving out significant details.  To me this sounds like when I pay the bills, I leave out the amount that we pay for cable or cell phones.

Lying by omission– Omitting certain parts of whatever you’re talking about.  For example, when someone asks if I’m still vegan?  Yes, I am, but what I don’t offer is that Oreo’s are vegan and I ate the whole package.

Exaggerations– obviously this is exaggerating the truth.  I don’t think I do this too much, but I know people who do. For example, someone might say that they paid $200 for that cost $2000.  I’m not talking about any certain person.

Self-protection– This includes hiding feelings or information to protect yourself and others.  For example, when my kids would get in trouble at school when they were younger, I would not tell my ex husband because the punishment he gave out was mentally and physically abusive.

Gossip or covert communication– I would like to say I don’t gossip, but I think honestly everyone does.  I recently had my mom stay with us for a week and found out that people in my hometown have been gossiping about me.  Yes, I am going through some difficult things in life right now, but people adding exaggerations and spreading them around doesn’t make me feel good at all.  I have actively been trying not to gossip about people and I wish others would try that as well. If you want to know if I’m getting a divorce, ask me.  If you want to know if I’m moving back to Montana, ask me.  I’m pretty open-minded so if you have any questions about me, ask me. Don’t ask other people about me.  All it does when we gossip is hurt people’s feelings when it gets back to them.

Here are some steps that I found online to stop lying.

*Be honest and direct

*Decide to stop lying

*Decide why you want to stop lying

*Make a commitment

*Make a plan

*Identify triggers

*Learn to face consequences

*Make honesty the core of your character

*Be honest with yourself.

 

Today when I go to counseling, I plan on talking about why I haven’t been being honest with myself and with others.   I don’t like the way it makes me feel.  I am usually very honest and I’m not sure why it’s so important to me that I make others happy. I’ve made it so important that I have compromised my honesty.  I really like the step that says, make honesty the core of your character and I plan on getting that step back in my life.

 

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