Well, I said I would weigh in every Friday. It’s that day. Last week I was busy with my Mom who came to visit, but I still weighed in. The previous week I was at 313. Last Friday, I weighed 314 and today almost 315. I only had two mess up’s while my Mom was here. Other than that, I’ve still been vegan. So, I try and I try and I try to lose weight. I eat lots of fruit and veggies and drink protein shakes. Someone said to me last week that if I really wanted to change I could just wake up one day and change. This person also said if I were to “stop eating shitty food and exercise” I would lose weight and be healthier. Well, thanks for being hurtful. I don’t eat “shitty food” and I am not really good about exercising, but I’m working on it. Do you know how hard it is to live less than 5 miles from Elitch Garden’s and not be able to go because I can’t fit on the rides? I can’t go to the store to buy new clothes because usually there isn’t a size big enough to fit me. I can’t go the show because I can’t fit in the seats comfortably. Strangers look at me in disgust. Yes, I know it’s my own fault, but I do have feelings and I feel bad enough about myself without other people’s comments.
Food addiction is not any different than any other addiction. I don’t think people on crack or meth can just wake up one day and be like, hey I think I’ll quit my bad behavior today and that’s it. It’s not that easy. So, I made a decision. I will admit that I cannot do it on my own. I have an appointment next Thursday to start the process of having gastric bypass surgery. As with all of my blog posts, I will ask that if you don’t have anything nice to say about this, don’t comment. I don’t need anymore negative, rude people in my life. I have talked to several people that I know that have had the surgery. Yes, I know it’s going to be hard. Yes, I know I will only be able to eat 2 ounces at a time. At this point, I am desperate. I don’t know what else to try. I had the lap band in 2010, it hasn’t worked, I have tried Atkins, Ketogenics, Slimgenics, Weight Watchers, Thrive, Plexus, Phentermine, South Beach, and probably any other diet out there to no avail. I can’t keep living with this self hate and loathing. Please be supportive, I need a big support group. I know there are risks, but being overweight has risk’s too. I just can’t keep living like this. I don’t understand why nothing has worked for me, but giving up is not an option. We shall see how things go on Thursday and hopefully, I will be on the road to happiness!