So, it’s the end of 2017. As with every year there was good and bad. As my grandma, Mary Dailey, said, “Everything happens for a reason”. 2017 was full of losses, some good and some really heartbreaking.
In February, I lost one of my best friends. He was part of our family and the closest thing to a brother that I ever had. Greg Clark was someone who I was blessed to have in my life. He made me laugh on a daily basis. He told me stories about growing up in Aurora or as he called it, A-town and hunting for naked bunny nests..lol. He and Rosie will forever be in our hearts. We see reminders of him all the time and signs that make me think he’s definitely with us in spirit. We love and miss you Greg and Rosie.
On a positive note, one of the losses in 2017 was good. I lost over 100 pounds. I feel healthier for sure. I do struggle with negative body image and I have more to lose. I feel like I have made a dent in the pounds that I wish to lose. In 2018, my short goal is to get under 200 which is 24 pounds away (at my highest weight, I was 333 pounds). I hope to do that by the end of March. Just a goal I set for myself. By the end of my weight loss journey, I just want to be healthier with a better view of myself mentally and physically. I do have a goal weight, but it’s not set in stone. I have been diagnosed with binge eating disorder so beating that will also be on my list of things to accomplish in 2018.
Another positive in 2017, I published my first book on Amazon. I sold some copies and it was great to feel so proud and hopeful for my writing career and future endeavors that I am currently writing. I would like to thank everyone for encouraging me to write. My family and friends have been very supportive about my writing and my weight loss. I’m starting to see that I do have a lot of creativity and I’m a unique person. I’m working on my self-esteem. I have had many wonderful cheerleaders on my side.
I’m very proud of my children and all that they have done this year. I believe they are on their way to full, exciting, rich lives.
I’ve repaired many troubled relationships from my past. I no longer feel scared to return to Montana for visits. I was there in November and December without issues. I am thankful that I was able to work through problems and act more like an adult. I reconnected with old friends who I really missed. I hope to visit more often in 2018.
In May, my daughter and husband and I moved to Oregon. It’s so beautiful. Almost every day when I walk outside, I find myself thinking this is what it must feel like to live in a terrarium. I’m so happy in this environment. We have been as far south as Gold Beach and as far North as Seaside. I love the ocean so much. For the first time in my life, I saw a whale in it’s natural habitat. We hiked into Devil’s punchbowl and have been through the most amazing forest that I have ever cast my eyes on.
Throughout 2017, I continued to work on repairing my relationship with my dad. We had some tough times in our past. We were able to talk openly about our relationship and we both apologized for the way we handled things in our past. Our relationship grew stronger and I felt closer this year to him than I ever had. He had a tough year health wise and in November, I was able to sit by his side as he took his last breath and became an angel. As I write this, my eyes fill with tears and my heart aches. I wish so much that I could turn back time and start working on our relationship years sooner. I am grateful for my dad and my mom. They had me when he was 16 and she was 17. Considering they were just kids themselves, they did a good job. I’m sure it was hard and there were struggles that I know nothing about to this day. I love them both more than I could ever put into words. In January, I will start a grief support group through Hospice. I hope it teaches me how to deal with his loss and the whole I feel in my heart.
Here is a text from him along my weight loss journey that I read when I feel like I need some inspiration. I love you Dad.
So, I look forward to 2018 and all that it has to offer. I hope that good things are in store for my family, my friends, and myself. There were so many wonderful things that happened this year. There were things that made me grow and become stronger. I love the people in my life. I thank God everyday for another day. I wish you all the best in the New Year!